Written by Michael Schmitz
Speed tests are a lovely thing in general. You put an oversized cotton pad up your brain, twirl it around and drag some of your grey matter out for testing. 15 mins later you know whether you are positive (which is actually negative) or negative (which is actually positive).
The ministry for foreign aﬀairs of the Freistaat Obersachsen (Free State Upper Saxony, the counterpart to Niedersachsen or Lower Saxony) got inspired by the current trend of Schnelltests and decided to require a German language and culture speed test to wannabe citizens, the so-called FKK – Freistaatlicher Kultur Kenntnistest.
If you haven’t heard of Upper Saxony yet, look out for the orange state on the following map (source: wikipedia.org/wiki/Obersachsen)
As Upper Saxony has been making news in the last decade or so of not necessarily being migrant-friendly, they took some precautions to not worsen their already damaged reputation. To avoid any suspicions that this measure could be directed against migrants and asylum seekers and therefore be racist, they will demand this test even also from German natives. After all, it just takes 15 mins. Who could complain? After all the test ensures that everyone living in Saxony can communicate loud and clear with all other inhabitants.
An anonymous informant from the ministry of foreign aﬀairs of Upper Saxony sent over a full version of the Schnelltest für Einwanderer and here are a few of the 18 questions that those who want to live in Upper Saxony will have to answer if the law gets established.
Test yourself first before jumping to the video with the answers at the bottom of this article:
1 | How do you say “good morning” in Upper Saxon dialect?
2 | How many Upper Saxony-born inhabitants does Upper Saxony have?
3 | Do you like the color blue?
4 | What do the letters AfD stand for?
a) Autonome für Demokratie (left-wing autonomous people for Democracy)
b) Arbeiterpartei für Deutschland (workers party for Germany)
c) Alternative für Deutschland (Hippies for Germany)
5 | How many cases does the Saxony dialect have?
6 | Complete the following sentence: Ausländer ____. Deutschländer ____. Use the words: gut and besser in this order.
That should suﬃce. It only goes downwards from here.
The Good News
As with so many laws and rules, there’s always a way around them.
If you are planning to move to Upper Saxony after the 1st of April, you will soon have to take the FKK. Luckily the German Antifa has already published a video on YouTube in which they show how to hack this test with zero eﬀort. It’ll only take a few minutes and you’ll be ready to settle.
As you can see, the head of the ministry for foreign aﬀairs of Upper Saxony, Michael Schmitz, didn’t even try to hide the true purpose of the FKK which is to fool you on this very particular day. Google “German customs on the first of April.”
The sad part of this “joke” is that it easily could come true. Do some research on the real “Free” State Saxony and you’ll understand. Enjoy your German learning and your love for Germany and its culture but don’t be shy to also look at the dark parts of its past and contemporary history.